Monday, March 06, 2006

Depression

I don't know where it comes from. It doesn't announce when it enters the room. There is no explaining it... if you never dealt with it then no explanation could ever make you fully understand. The sadness is overwhelming. The joy and laughter continues around you . But you feel so sad and grey and lifeless. Why is there a tomorrow? So there can be another today? What is the purpose of that? To go on feeling torture and torment? To read that.... is to not even understand that. And I make no sense? Well that is my life right now. It so wraps you up in its own comfort of misery. And when it grabs you, you cant let go.. .because the feeling so bad feels so right and so good. And the tears feel like such a relief, so hot and wet.. but yet never relenting on the pain... which feels so right. Is this a surprise to read this? a detour from what you know about me? then you never really knew me... did you ever take the time? or did you just go through the motions? Life is so fake it is sickening. I type through tears... and who knows that but me? Only you if you are reading this now.... and you feel obligated to question me? Or is it in your heart? And would I know the difference between the two... and would I even care..... I will leave it at that and call it a night...

3 comments:

Cheryl said...

Big hugs, hon. I'm sorry you're feeliing so bad right now. Remember I still love you!

Mari-jane said...

I am there more than you know.. it is 3:49 am and if I could call you, I would... yet no words can bring you relief, and no one can pull you back from the depths of it.. know you are not alone..Love, MJ

Greta Collins said...

Greta said; I have been there on more than one occassion. It can bring you to your knees real quick. At times if i didn't have my kids i don't know if i would have survived. But you do some how go on! Trust me. I love you very much and know you are not alone!!!