Saturday, October 01, 2005

It was a sad place...

We took J5 to see the pediatric specialist on Thursday. I never thought about the whole pediatric specialist before hand. I was so sad when we walked past the door that said cancer/chemotherapy.. I couldn't imagine having to walk through those doors. We continued down the corridor but it was just an empty hallway... we finally turned around and headed back. The only place to ask where we needed to go was through the cancer/chemotherapy doors. When we went in I looked at the sign on the wall just inside the door and there was J5's Dr's name. I felt sick... now I know J5 doesn't have cancer and I thank God for that, but the thought of being in the waiting room with children sick with cancer upset me. Luckily we were the only ones in the pediatric area but there were many men and women who walked past our area with hats and bandanna's covering their hairless heads. Adult cancer area to the left of us, and chemotherapy area to the right of us, open library full of various cancer books behind us. I fought back tears many many times. I didn't want them to think I was there crying over my child who while he does have lead poisoning ( or as they call it lead intoxication) is no where near as sick as a child with cancer. I couldn't cry for him, but I so wanted to cry for all the others who had to face this cancer area, and for my husbands Grandfather who is going through all of this at this very moment. He is not doing well, his cancer is now in his bone marrow and he has a new tumor which is growing on his lower spine and causing him a great deal of pain, he is in the hospital with a morphine drip and going through radiation and is very down and appears to be giving up. I just pray that when he feels better he will have the fight back in him to continue on.
I felt silly for being there with my child, guilty, for having a small problem to be fixed and for being lucky that we weren't dealing with a child with cancer. I can only imagine the pain the parents of the "really" sick kids go through everyday.
J5's pediatric specialist is a Pediatric Hematology-Oncology Specialist. They were very nice and did a full work up on J5. They checked his weight, his height, his blood pressure, his oxygen level, and did a full physical. They took more blood so they could check his lead level and run a CBC and smear. I should hear back by Wednesday as to what the results of it all is. He is on a prescription vitamin with extra iron to try and fight off the lead and will need to return on Nov 29th for another check. One week before the next appointment he has to go get more blood drawn. We are still trying to find the source of the lead so we can eliminate it, the Health Dept still has not contacted us back about rescheduling our home inspection which is really beginning to annoy me!

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